Tag Archives: trust

Amidst The Unknown

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I stand here

In this strangely unknown place

A twilight zone, of sorts

Learning to be content

With not seeing

I left behind familiarity

Though, troublesome as it was

Was still routine

Predictable

This place that is between this

And that

Here

and there

This place of discomfort

The In Between

I do not like this place

And yet,

I’ve been here before

Many times

And that voice within me

That God-voice

reminds me once again

to have patience

to have faith

to trust

and things will unfold

as they are meant to

in time.

And so I stand

and when I can, I take a step or two

when I see a clear path

a way to go forward

But mostly I wait

in expectation.

On the edge of something, though I’m not sure what,

Waiting for something, something new,

To unfold.

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Hurry Up And WAIT!!!!!

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How do  I feel tonight? N.U.M.B. Numb is how I feel. Inside me, right in this moment,  is a vast ocean of…………nothingness.  Unfeeling-ness. A black hole of going-through-the-motions.

Numb is not a healthy word in the vocabulary that is my life.  Numb is a crazy, scary, nowhere place to be.  I cannot live here long.  If I stay,  I will die here.  How do I know?  I’ve been here, before.

This transition at my work is killing me slowly.  I’m told to hang in there for awhile longer.  Just. A. Bit. Longer. is what they tell me.  But, how long do I hang in, now that numbness has set in?

They tell me to TRUST.  I’m obviously not doing a good job at that anymore, either.  They tell me God is in control.  But I am doubting even that.  They tell me there’s strength in the waiting.  If that’s true, why do I feel weak?

When do I say ENOUGH?  What holds me back from saying that word?  Am I afraid of all that that word could mean?

How do I know the answer?  Quite possibly, I already know.  When the thought of leaving this place brings me RELIEF, that might be just the answer I’m looking for…….