I stand here
In this strangely unknown place
A twilight zone, of sorts
Learning to be content
With not seeing
I left behind familiarity
Though, troublesome as it was
Was still routine
This place that is between this
This place of discomfort
The In Between
I do not like this place
I’ve been here before
And that voice within me
reminds me once again
to have patience
to have faith
and things will unfold
as they are meant to
And so I stand
and when I can, I take a step or two
when I see a clear path
a way to go forward
But mostly I wait
On the edge of something, though I’m not sure what,
Waiting for something, something new,
How do I feel tonight? N.U.M.B. Numb is how I feel. Inside me, right in this moment, is a vast ocean of…………nothingness. Unfeeling-ness. A black hole of going-through-the-motions.
Numb is not a healthy word in the vocabulary that is my life. Numb is a crazy, scary, nowhere place to be. I cannot live here long. If I stay, I will die here. How do I know? I’ve been here, before.
This transition at my work is killing me slowly. I’m told to hang in there for awhile longer. Just. A. Bit. Longer. is what they tell me. But, how long do I hang in, now that numbness has set in?
They tell me to TRUST. I’m obviously not doing a good job at that anymore, either. They tell me God is in control. But I am doubting even that. They tell me there’s strength in the waiting. If that’s true, why do I feel weak?
When do I say ENOUGH? What holds me back from saying that word? Am I afraid of all that that word could mean?
How do I know the answer? Quite possibly, I already know. When the thought of leaving this place brings me RELIEF, that might be just the answer I’m looking for…….