Tag Archives: Family

On Motherhood, and Letting Go…

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How does a mother let go?  I’m sure I do not know, maybe I will never know.  I try.  I try not to be possessive.  I try to respect boundaries.  I try to let them live their own lives as much as I can.  But it seems I still do too much….just in asking how they’re doing and if they are happy and have everything they need.  It seems even doing that brings annoyance.  So, I give up.

I will try to remember when I was their age.  Maybe that will help.  When I was in my early twenties, I moved about two hours away from home.  It was not easy for me at first…but I came to love it.  I thrived, actually, during those few years.  And guess what?  I never phoned home, either.  I mean, rarely.  I was living my life, and I was having fun doing it.  I didn’t need to keep in touch.  Let’s tell the truth….I didn’t want to keep in touch!  I had my own life and I was living it, with no one to judge me or tell me what I was doing wrong. My family was out of sight and out of mind, soooo…

Now the tables have turned, and I have a very independent child who moved far away and sees no need to stay in touch.  Who gets very annoyed, in fact, by my (maybe overly?) motherly concerns.   Funny, yes?  The tables are turned.  And it causes me anxiety…

Thing is, it most probably is more about me than about them.  Isn’t it always, after all?  As some of you know, I am trying to heal from deep abandonment issues that rise up way too often for my liking.  But, that’s not my child’s problem, is it?  That is something that I need to learn how to deal with..it’s not really fair to put my stuff on them…

Sometimes mothers will say...just wait till you have kids..you’ll understand.  Well, now I do.  I realize, now, what my mother must have gone through, waiting to hear from me, wondering, always wondering…is she ok?  Does she have enough to eat?  Is she happy?  Does she have enough money?  And so on….

So, my child, I don’t know if you read my blog at all, but if you do, there’s only one thing I can say….just wait till you have kids….then you’ll understand….