Category Archives: Excerpts

Understanding Your Wounds – An Excerpt

Standard

I’m sharing this today, because I’ve probably read it a million times in my journey toward self – love.  And because earlier this week, as some of you have read, I had a melt down that has helped me to remember that I can heal, yes, but sometimes there are still scars that get re-opened every once in awhile, and that’s ok, too.

Understanding Your Wounds 

“I do not understand my own behaviour: I do not act as I mean to, but I do things that I hate” (Romans 7:15)

Paul’s cry of anguish has a universal ring to it.  Who of us has not felt deeply the frustration of  being trapped in  addictive behaviours from which we would like to be delivered?  Those behaviours that have become deep wounds in our spirits?  Those that keep our true selves in bondage?

In praying about my wounds I have come to believe that the reason these wounds take so long to heal is that I spend more time attacking them than trying to understand them.  I keep trying to clog up the hole made by the wound.  The reality is I keep stuffing my wound with other addictions, always hoping for some miraculous cure.  The healing needs to happen right there in that broken place because it is there that I am vulnerable.  It is there in that crack in my spirit that the Light of Christ can slip through and help me understand the wound.  When Jesus rose, his wounds were still visible.  The scars could be seen right in the midst of the glory.  Is my life, patterned after Christ, to be any different?

The scars in my life have become my badges of victory and glory.  I am able to see that I will probably have to live with some of the pain I’ve inherited from my cluttered life.  I am learning to befriend the scars and find the gifts underneath.

Sometimes the scars open up again and I see that the wounds are not completely healed.  I approach my wounds differently now though.  The clutter that I once used to clog up these wounds, I now send away.  I send it on its way gently.  It has been a tool that God used to help me experience my powerlessness.  In some mysterious way, then, my clutter becomes my treasure.

Slowly, gently, 

I lift the clutter out of my life. 

I must let go of my ego-self. 

I’ve known this part of myself intimately.

It’s like an old friend.

It’s a bit hard to send it on its way.

It has become a kind of cherished sin for me

a dis-ease that I am familiar with.

Still, it has hindered my growth

and kept me from adoring.

It has prevented me from noticing 

the holy ground of my life.

And so, I kiss it good-bye.

Yes, I kiss it.

I embrace it.

It is part of myself

I pray for its conversion.

All the clutter in my life

that I have clung to

with such devotion,

will be born again

in some new and better form.

It is the shadow side of myself.

If I befriend it

it will arise

from the ashes of falseness

into the glory of truth.

My uncontrollable anger

becomes a passionate, prophetic zeal.

My possessive clutching

becomes a generous giving.

My abundance of unnecessary words

melts in the one great word.

My deafening noise

becomes the sound of silence.

My need for approval from others

becomes a need to affirm others.

My need to control

becomes my need to share.

My fear is changed into love

my anxiety into trust.

Yes, all the clutter of my life, that ego stuff that held me back, when embraced and owned can change before my very eyes into grace.  What was a hindrance becomes a blessing.  What was an enemy becomes a friend.  What was a darkness is now my light.  What was my clutter is now my treasure.

by Marina Wiedeker, “Seasons of the Heart”

Until we can not only accept but learn to love our shadow selves, the path to self – love, I believe, will remain elusive.  This excerpt, over the years, has reminded me of my need for that love – especially in the darkest parts of myself.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. 🙂

Patient Trust (an important poem – and my take on it)

Standard

I’ve shared this before, awhile back.  This time, though, I thought I’d share what these words have come to mean to me.  This poem was sent to me a couple of years ago, at a time when I was ‘fed up’ with how slowly things were moving for me.  And I come back to it many times, to remind myself that change takes time…

Patient Trust by Teilhard de Chardin 

Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. 

CHANGE – In  this society we’ve created, that wants everything immediately, we find it difficult to accept that real change takes time.  We want to be done, so we can move on to the next big thing…

 We would like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. 

PERSEVERANCE – There can be many stages to change – not just a first and last stage, which is what we would greatly prefer!  It’s important for us to be able to accept each stage gracefully, and not lose faith in the process.

And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability – and that it may take a very long time. 

PATIENCE – In our efforts to create change in our lives, we may take two steps forward and one step back.  This is normal!  We are trying to create something new, a way of being that we’re totally unfamiliar with.  We will stumble, we will fall, and that’s perfectly fine. We will want to quit, and, we might, for a time, have to take a break.  The only real failure is in giving up – in deciding you just can’t do it.

And so I think it is with you; your ideas mature gradually – let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste. 

WAIT – Waiting  is sometimes exactly what we need.  In the waiting is where growth takes place.  In the waiting is where integrity and strength of character develop.  In the waiting is where our spirit blossoms…

Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time, (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make of you tomorrow.

STILLNESS –    It’s easy to run around trying to force things to happen. It’s easy (but not fun!)  to live life from a place of anxiety.  Trying to be still and to allow things to open up for us, that is the hard part.

Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming in you will be. 

TRUST – This speaks to me of trusting that my life is not just in my own hands…that I’ve been created by God for a greater purpose, and even though I might not be able to see the answers before me in every second, God certainly knows…

Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

PEACE – I’ve intentionally used the opposite word to anxiety here.  Nowadays, I try to live my life from a place of knowing that because I believe in God and I know He/She*** has a plan for my life, that ultimately living in a state of constant anxiety is not going to be beneficial to me in any way. So I consciously try to chose peace – over anxiety, over desperation, over fear.

I assure you that I have not always lived this way…these are traits I have come to adopt over the years.  And I’m not always successful, either (as I’m sure you’ve already noticed in my previous posts)!  Developing and living with these traits is an ongoing life lesson.  But more and more, these things are becoming a way of life for me.  And more and more, I am able to accept that whatever is happening in my life at any given moment, has come to me to teach me, instead of to cause me to feel/live from a place of terror….

***Just a note about the He/She reference I make to God (because it may offend some)  I grew up with the notion that God has always been a He.  I believe differently, now.  God is a Spirit.  And I believe, nowadays, that He/She is neither gender, and both genders.  That is why I often refer to God as Him/Her. I believe that God can be for us a father, or a mother – whichever it is that we need.   Just my opinion, you  are free to believe otherwise! 🙂