1. Age 15, the death of my father. I learned that life is fragile. One moment, a loved one is in your life, and the next moment, they are gone. And the world keeps turning, despite that loss.
2. Also age 15, when I became a Christian. I knelt down beside the bed with my sister and brother, on the evening of my father’s death, and ask God to be a guiding force in my life. Life changing. Little did I know the He would take the place of my earthly father in those next years.
3. Age 30, the death of my mother. I barely grieved, then, because I was also pregnant with my first child, and didn’t want to hurt the baby. Too many significant people died in my life before I turned 30. I understand loss. On her deathbed, the last thing I did was tell my mom it was ok for her to let go..that we’d all be ok. I’ve wished many times since then that I’d begged her to stay. Selfish, right? But true.
4. Becoming a mother. It’s honestly ALL I have ever really wanted to be. A mom. And I know I didn’t do it right, because, well, I didn’t really know how to do it. There’s no manual for that kind of thing. But, I love my children more than anything else in the world. And I’m incredibly proud of who they’ve become, each one of them. And I hope, if someday they must be angry with me for what I didn’t do, that they’ll be also be able to forgive me and realize I did the best I could with what I had…
5. My marriage breakup. Funny, I haven’t included my marriage, isn’t it? Just my breakup. Kind of sad, but… My marriage breakup was the beginning of my own personal hell on earth. Not only did my marriage break up – I broke up. And began remembering things I still wish this day that I’d never remembered. And had to sort through years of pain, anger, and loss. I believed that I could not ‘do my own life’ – I needed a man to guide me. And so, I could not cope with all of a sudden ending up on my own. Very, very very hard time that I would not wish on my own worst enemy. But it taught me we are all stronger than we could ever imagine. And it taught me, that sometimes painful work like that is necessary to heal deep wounds, especially if we desire to be the best God made us.
And it taught me that I do not want to live my life without my faith. Because without it, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I’m truly a living, walking, breathing miracle….
Enough reading for now….stay tuned!
ps: What are your defining moments? I’d love to hear from you!