What’s NOT working..

Standard

Kind of leaving this till the very last-minute, aren’t I?  That’s one of my things that’s NOT working for me.  #1. Procrastination.

1.  Procrastination?  Or avoidance?  A bit of both?  I’m famous for avoiding what is good for me.  I dislike that about myself.  I’m tired of it.  I know where it comes from.  And it doesn’t serve me any longer.  I cannot keep living, putting things off that are important to me.  This has to change.  This is my number 1 priority for 2013.

2.  Neglecting my body and health.  This is a big one, too. Ugh.

3. Believing I’m not worthy of success. Believing it to the point of watching myself stay broke all the time.  And finding myself getting mad as hell about it.

These are my three biggest.  And I’m having anxiety even writing about them.  I know where they come from….way back.  I grew up believing I wasn’t important in/to this world.  So I avoided/neglected all that was good about me.  And though I’ve come really, really far in my way of thinking about myself, and though I’ve discarded a ton of old beliefs thus far, writing about this makes me realize I’ve still got work to do.  Hard work.  Maybe the hardest, yet.

Because, these three things, they are at my very core.  They are not the things that people see from the outside.  I take the courses that come my way, and I excel at them. I do well at work, I have great friends.  It’s not about these things.  It’s the little things, the things  that, really, turn out to be the biggest things of all.  Eating well.  Getting enough sleep, and exercise.  Taking the risk of putting myself out there in a blog.  Staying organized at home, behind closed doors, where no one sees………staying authentic when no one is looking….

And, I detest these things about me…these weaknesses.  There, I said it.  These things hold me back from what I want.  Holding on to the beliefs that manifest these things in my life are keeping me small.  Writing about these things, and hold them in my heart with kindness  for myself, is very, very, very hard, right in this moment. Thus the anxiety, I think…

I have the power to change.  I know that.  I know that, because I’ve proved it to myself, over and over, in these past years.  I also know that, because everything I need is inside of me already.  But will I take, and keep that power?  It’s easier to give it away, tell myself I can’t do it, I’m not worth it, I must not deserve it.  That is pure bullshit!!!!

Will 2013 be the year I begin to finally, at long last, get rid of these lingering beliefs and step into my fullness?

Tomorrow night, in the quiet of my home, I’m planning a ceremony.  I’m planning it, right in this very moment.  I’m planning to write down on paper all the frustrations I have about these 3 things.  Then, I’m going to take that paper outside and burn it.  I’m going to have a ceremony to let these 3 beliefs go.  And then I will set my intention for the year 2013.

Because, I cannot live like this anymore.  I refuse to live like I still believe in my heart that I don’t matter.  Because I do.

I. Matter.

Advertisements

About chere

Hi there! My name is Chere, and I love to write, and initially created this blog to do just that - write! I am first and foremost a mom of 3 amazing young adults, 2 great children - in - law, and 4 grandbabies that are the love of my life! I am also a Reiki Master Practioner, and an office administrator. I live in beautiful Victoria, BC and I'm just a gal who's been around and learned a few things along the way. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy! Chere

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s